I scoured Amazon for ridiculous travel gadgets. I never thought I would see this

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I am a reasonably indulgent traveler.

Or maybe I think I am.

I get to the airport early. You don’t need to relax in the lounge. I hope there is no one sitting next to me, especially the infant. And I hope the plane leaves on time, arrives on time, and the airline doesn’t lose my luggage.

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In the meantime, I sit, read, and maybe sleep. (Work? Are you serious?)

I tend not to use tools on planes. A book made out of paper, a sandwich would have tasted like it and I was fine.

However, you will probably need your tools much more than that. You want them to calm you, support you, and entertain you—even if it’s only a four-hour flight.

Which is why I scoured Amazon to see if I could find something hilariously appropriate and funny to ease your passage.

I like to stroll through Amazon sometimes. Why, I recently asked the site about its weirdest tech gadget and it was as if Amazon didn’t get the question. Or rather, I had never heard the word amazing Before.

But oh my gosh, you’ve found the right tool for you this time.

It is a snake that can protect your neck and hold your iPhone.

Does this conjure up creative joy in your mind? number? Please let me try again. Imagine one of those pillows that’s the average length of your boa constrictor and has fingers on the end.

More precisely, pregnant.

That’s why Spice of Life Travel Pillow – Gray | Flexible Multi-angle Device Holder, Neck Pillow, Small Foam Beads, Portable Stand, Device Monitor Holder, Travel Accessories | Phones, tablets, smartphones and e-readers.

Don’t you love product names on Amazon? I do. Almost as much as I adore product descriptions.

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How about this: “Users can customize the support for the neck, shoulders, and head and use a cell phone at the same time! The micro-beads inside the pillow mold and contour to the user’s neck for the ultimate in comfort.”

Because there is no way you can use a neck pillow, hold your phone for example. Or maybe put it on your little drawer table.

You’ll wonder how this thing stays upright. Well, the makers explain: “Equipped with a torsional internal structure, this mobile pillow can be easily used and adjusted by anyone. Its vertebrae-like structure makes a quiet ‘clack’ noise [when] bent. “

It also made a quiet crackling noise when it saw this thing.

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While you think about all of that, please let me consider someone next to me on the plane sticking one of these things in front of their face. Then he quickly turned around to ask me when the meal service would start.

I was lucky, after seeing this thing, I also heard from the makers’ PR reps.

They offered:

The 56 inch long pillow is filled with tiny beads and can twist and bend into a custom shape for neck, shoulder, lower back and head support to use while watching your smart device! The activity you do is supported and comfortable! Popular with young children, teens, college students, and adults. Great for holiday travel! Buy it in red to be really festive!

Buy it red so people can see you from the other side of the plane, too. And look, it’s popular with everyone except kids.

I have no idea if this will fill US airports over the coming days and months. I have no idea how many people think an anaconda with an iPhone is the perfect holiday gift.

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The only thing I do know is that if you ever see me using one of these things, please call a flight attendant, remove me from the plane and send me to an appropriate institution for examination and recovery.